College Application Letter

        Who taught Albert Einstein to do math? That was me. Who taught Michael Jackson to do the moonwalk? That was me. One does simply walk into Mordor. I am that one. The sun does not burn me, I burn the sun. When it comes to stare downs, I've won more than I could count. Against statues. I also pride myself greatly in the fact that my teeth are perfectly straight.
       Once I looked Medusa in the eye, and she turned to stone. My vocal range is 12 octaves. On a lazy Sunday, I run laps around the planet. My abilities are many, one of them being that I can turn water into wine. I have been on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Six times. Salvador Dali wishes he could paint Surrealism as well as I can. I make award winning Kraft Dinner.
       The flu has to get Pascale shots once a year. I wrote songs for The Beatles. I wrote The Bible.  Last summer I walked through the Sahara Desert in a Gorilla suit, and lived to tell the tale. Lighting does not strike me. I strike lightning. My only mistake? Thinking that I made one. Yet, I have still not gone to college.